Changes of my life!

Today I woke up wanting to write down everything that goes in my soul, but the day passed and only now in the evening am I finding time to sit and write down all my thoughts. Whenever I value my silence, I always feel my own need for
space and lately I haven't had "my" time, there're always thousands of things to
do and when I finally get some time, I'm so exhausted that all I want to do is
slip into bed and sleep. Sometimes I wonder if I haven’t had time or even if I
don’t want to have it. I realize that my life is changing, I realize the changes
in me, but they‘re occurring so quickly that I'm afraid of myself. The changes
are for the better, no doubt, but even then I’m afraid that my body cannot handle
the pace of my mind. I feel better, calmer, less anxious and
happier! I'm learning to see the happiness in me, not in what I own. I'm learning not to see the happiness in others, in
things, but in myself – inside me.
Many people, even unknowingly, have contributed to my change. Someone
contributed to my desire to write everything that's going on in my soul, someone with a
few words made me look again inside me and made me wake up.
In recent years I began to behave as a psychiatrist, just trying to heal my illness but I forgot
about me, the patient. I no longer doubted or questioned anything, I just accepted the things they told me. I looked like
a robot doing everything I was told and entailed every desire of others as an
order; I simply put myself in the last place. A few weeks ago,
perhaps months, my changes started. First slowly
and over the past 15 days, changes began to occur at an astronomical speed, I
began to doubt, question and above all to think again about me. I started to like myself again. Not surprisingly, despite never being alone in recent years, I often felt alone and worried,
because if I didn't like the image reflected in the mirror who else would?
The people around me have already understood my changes and
everything began to change. If someone
confronts me, I won't lose my coolness, I do not care. It's so good to smile
instead of feeling anger. Speaking calmly and simply saying: "That's your
opinion not mine" instead of getting angry. I learned to use my
intelligence, rather than getting upset and wasting my energies and believe me I feel much
better! I learned that silence really is golden. I learned to value myself and
to value things. Those things I didn't care about and which now make me
smile.
I finally learned that I am a good company for myself; I’m indeed the best
company I have! Arrogant? No, just honest
with myself and above all with others. I learned to love the smallest things and
even despite all the difficult situations that I still have to face, I believe
that everything will turn out fine and I am sure that my moments of happiness will increase every day!
Mariana